Technical Moron - Tales of an IT Professional

So I'm trying to add links to my blog to display the blogs of others that I visit daily. Apparently, one has to be an html developer in order to do this on my particular blog page. What is sad, is I work in IT...albeit, I am not a developer, I do like to consider myself *somewhat* technically savvy. However, the blog has kicked my ass. Diminished me to levels of inadequacy. I am now questioning my very existence.

One would think that by clicking the link that says 'Edit Me', that a nice simple page would appear where you insert the URL for the link you would like to post. Not so much. It brings up the Help(less) page and goes on about how to edit the code. I've edited code before .. and this my friends..well..let's just say I'm either retarded (ok..this IS possible), or the code is a product of a disgruntled former Blogger developer.

So..dear friends and fellow bloggers...I want you to know I attempted to add your blog link onto my page, but failed. I think I'm going to go enroll in a computer science course.

By the way...Merry Christmas to all of y'all!! (Hey..I'm from Texas where we always say 'y'all'!!!)

When Did College Become Easy??

I am an adjunct professor at a university which I will leave as anonymous right now to protect the innocent and..well..myself. Anyway...I teach classes online. I gave my students their final exam Monday. I asked them to complete a project that basically should cover their materials they learned over the course of the semester. I asked for some creativity in this project which would help them meet the minimum requirement of 6 pages. I was floored when I received several emails that stated how they didn't feel this was reasonable and that how could they be expected to complete something so comprehensive during finals. Huh? Isn't that the point? And hello, you have FOUR days! One student said, what if I had not have opened the instructions until the last day. Um..then you have poor time management skills and you'd get a grade reflecting that. They kept saying how stressed they were. Well kids, let's just say I am preparing you for real life. You know, when your boss expected that 20 page presentation yesterday, your kids need crap for their soccer game and oh, the mortgage is due. I guess things were just different back when I was in undergrad. I can't imagine ever bitching to a professor about a final and I'm sorry...a final exam is supposed to be hard and stressful. I guess these kids today just think that life is supposed to be handed to them and easy. Glad I don't teach rocket science. Sheesh!!!!!!!!

Upper What??

Ahhh yes, back to therapy...errr blogland. I feel I had to return because I am coming upon a milestone in my life. Yes...I am about to turn 38. I know...you're tilting your head much like my basset hound does when I talk to him in *his* voice. You would think a milestone would be turning 40, 50, etc. But no...38. I say this because while being 37, I can still get away with saying that I am in my *mid 30s*. However, once I turn 38, all bets are off...I will be in my *upper 30s*. That means my 40s are right around the corner. Talk about depression. I mean seriously...I know they say that today's 40 is the new 20, but they haven't seen my wrinkles and cellulite. I don't know a 20 year old with wrinkles and cellulite...well...unless you consider the 20 year old elephant down at the zoo. Oh well, I guess there is nothing I can do about it really. I suppose I should look forward to the days of just being able to take out my teeth and have them self-clean in a bubble bath of Efferdent! And I can drink beer on the couch while watching football and not even have to get up to pee! I can just go in my adult diaper! Old age, I love you!

Nobody Likes Me Everybody Hates Me I'm Going to Eat Worms!

Or a big greasy McDonald's bacon, egg and cheese biscuit. Gotta love PMS. Anyway...how come no one is reading my blog dammit?? Or if you are, you aren't commenting. My psyche is very fragile and my self-esteem is in danger of plummeting sharply unless I receive some serious commenting from folks.

20 Years Later

That's right...20 years ago, I graduated from high school. And we all got together this weekend to celebrate it. It was fun. I felt I actually looked decent. For once, the bags and dark circles decided not to invade my eyes. I actually wore heels and didn't fall once..even after SEVERAL glasses of wine..then beer. Hey, I went to school in west Texas..get off my beer back. But I digress...anyway..it was fun, having good times..until..the wardrobe malfunction. Yes, that's right...here's the play-by-play. I go up to the bar to order another beer and the hostess runs up to me and shoves a safety pin in my face. I was shocked..but not as shocked as I would soon become. She states that 'there is a hole in the seam of your dress and I can see your butt crack'. Huh. I thought I'd go all night without hearing that. The bartender then mentions something about 'showing booty' and 'do I need help with the pin'. Um... NO....but it was nice to have a youngster say such things...but again..I digress. I then have thoughts of oh my gosh..how many of my classmates have seen my ass tonight?? Of course, I opted for wearing a black thong instead of regular panties..so...there was NOTHING covering my ass.
So..I'm not sure if my classmates will be sharing the wonderful memories of seeing each other again after 20 years, or the memories of Kim's lilly white ass blinding them all night.

Is Free Lunch Worth It??

Today we have a 'director quarterly' at work. This is basically an all afternoon thing, where my whole director group gets together for lunch and games. This would be great if I didn't have a ton of work to do..that has to be done today..FRIDAY..before I leave. Sigh. Since I am new to this group, I have to participate. First of all, the aforementioned incredible pile of work I must do. Secondly, I suck at games. I hate most games. And this is Trivial Pursuit. I barely am able to remember what I had for breakfast and I am expected to remember who hit the winning home run in the 1977 World Series?? As if!

Jelly Blobs

Every morning, I have toast with Smuckers Natural Grape Jelly. Every morning, I have to deal with the plague of the jelly blobs. You know what I mean. The phenomenon when you take your knife and stick it down into the jelly jar, put the jelly on the toast and it just does not spread. It blobs. Why is it that the jelly spreads perfectly and symetrically on all the commercials, yet when I try to do it, it turns into something that looks like a scientific experiment?! I suppose I could just have my toast with butter, but that is no fun. And besides, butter just DOES NOT provide for very interesting blog material.

So Bored my Ass Hurts

Have you ever been so bored your ass actually hurts? No, not in a scary, medical kind of way, but from sitting and doing nothing. Yes, I am still in the 'new job fuzziness' phase. Actually, I'm in the 'no one has time to show me how to do my new job' phase. And it blows. So here I sit, bored, don't have anywhere to go, praying for a meeting or something, even popping laxatives just so I can go to the bathroom and pass time (ok...that *may* be a bit of an exaggeration). I'd kill to take a nap, but of course the drool on my keyboard might give it away. So I sit...daily...for 9 hours...bored. I've surfed the ENTIRE internet. Even did some homework. Sigh...and still...I sit..bored. I tell ya, horses have it made being able to sleep standing up with their eyes open. Nayyyyyy.....

And I Went Back to School, Why??

OH yes....to earn a Ph.D. so I can giggle hopelessly when people call me Dr. Kimmy. Most of my classes are fine, but there is always that one that eventually will lead you into countless therapy session and make you doubt your intelligence. I am experiencing that class this semester. Scarily, I thought it'd be easy. I suppose it isn't exactly MENSA worthy, but it is requiring a little too much of my time. It seems most of my classmates are full-time students and have time to 'research' and 'explore new blah blah blah'. Or maybe I just have no interest. The class deals with distance education, which is an area of interest for me since I teach classes online. However, this one just isn't jazzing me. Perhaps it is the 'super student' that is in my 'assigned team' that feels the need to criticize and make comments on everything I do. Can't we all just get along? Maybe I just don't have the energy to bark back. Or better yet, I just don't care. I like to feel sorry for this person. What a life...sitting around criticizing your classmates' work. Whatever...

New Job Fuzziness

Recently, I have been moved to a different position within my company. We often have many *organizational changes* and folks get moved around. During this past org change, I fell into the *guess what, you're moving* category.
While in the big scheme of things, this was a good move, I am at the point now where I have the new job, what the heck am I doing fuzziness. You know, that feeling you first have when you move into a new job or group and you don't have a clue as to what you are doing. Fun times. Although I am invited to meetings, I sit there just trying to interpret the language in which everyone is speaking. I believe this language is known in the corporate world as Acronymish. Here's an example: I would like to have everyone's FB on the new GOPs DBR issued by CSA by COB today. Huh? Just as Tom Cruise had Renee Zellwegger at *hello*, my new team lost me at *GOPs*. Grand Ole Party? Gophers on PCP? I am amazed at the depth of the Acronymish language.
Additionally, as I have moved cubicles to be more strategically placed (how's that for generic business talk?) with my new team. Everyone on the team seems very nice. However, I am at that place where I am trying to fit in, trying to figure everyone out and just get the overall vibe of the team. How can one not feel a bit paranoid? Everyone is talking to everyone else BUT ME. Do they like me? Are they pissed that I took the place of someone they loved? Do they have a voodoo doll with my name on it? Why are they staring!?! Ok..I digress... anyway...
I am sure this will all pass and in a few weeks it will be old hat, however, I now sit all day reading documents that make no sense to me and try to decode this language my teammates are speaking. Thank goodness for this blog! :)